the butterfly room

i think about giving up (2017)

a hazard to everyone he loves
and a destroyer of everything he touches
even the most broken hearts can't stand to be around him
unfortunate disaster of the troubled human

isn't it funny, though, how he lives his daily life
without people seeing that inside,
he doesn't get it
he doesn't get why he's this way,
and he's so utterly ashamed
the mirror screams his name in a bad manner

a breaker of three hearts
and a hider of his scars, he wears
the sleeves to cover them up but sometimes
he just can't be bothered

the bruises on his arms, and the tear stains on his cheeks
no one notices they're even there, and once they check they walk away
another day, another pain
another sip, another reason he's insane

he would rather be locked up in bars
than be near a speeding car
because the thought of getting hit excites him so much,
he just misses it

and he's tired of holding hands
whenever he crosses busy roads
he just wants to let go, doesn't he?

he writes notes to his friends, saying
it'll all work out in the end
but his own struggle goes unnoticed

he lies in bed, singing in his head
thoughts saying he'd be better off dead

but not a day goes by, that he isn't on his mind
and the feeling isn't mutual but it's something
he wants to show the man, how badly he is falling
but he can't love anyone
before he learns to love himself.